Darkness

This week I was planning to talk about how I came up with the name House of Dragonflies, however this is not the direction I feel I need to go.  I have to be more truthful with myself and my actions, and hold myself to some sort of accountability.  So I would like to share with you my life in the past few weeks.

 I have been living in a shadow of Darkness, and have avoided all things I am familiar with whether it was family, friends, school, and work too some degree.  I did not realize how far off the loop I had fallen until a dear friend of my literally brought me back into the light.  See I work in a Domestic Violence Shelter, and this same friend told me I must be a strong person to work in such a setting.  I never really understood what she meant until a few days ago.  However, even the strong become weak.  I work the evening shift 3 nights a week, I sacrifice being away from my best friend/husband 3 days out of the week to help those who have been abuse mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, etc.  When I am there through the night I listen to so many depressed, manipulated, emotional, etc, (I could go on) thoughts of women who need guidance, and a little ray of hope.  I work under a management team who believes in working bank hours, and co-workers who choose to sleep while working, avoid cleaning, attack others who are doing their job.  Again I work nights I should not be able to see any of this, but I do.  Again, I only work 3 days out of the week, but it has turned into my life!  Work has become so overwhelming that we have been training, and having staff meetings on my off days, and on days when I was just getting off from work.  I am exhausted, and I am not a super woman, my mind and body may be weak, but I will survive. 

Although all of things have been happening I never turned my back on God, who has literally strengthened me.  I have never been the type to just pick up a bible and begin to read bible stories, but during my time of darkness reading my bible stories is exactly what I needed.  I have read the story of Job, Daniel, and few other Psalms, and Proverbs.  I realize this is not much but it was what I needed to see.  I needed to see how God was working on people of faith, and how others around them would react.  So I have decided for the first time in my life I am not going to lose my faith, but to simply look to God who strengthens me, and guides my steps every day.  I will not allow people to defeat me anymore, and control what God has destine in my life for me to do.  I will continue to praise him in my darkest hours, and in times of joy.  I will speak of the truth and continue to pray and ask God for his guidance every day.